My Illness: Thank You for This Precious Gift

On January 18, I returned to Xi’an, China, and fell ill as soon as I relaxed after finishing my courses and work, completely overwhelmed by exhaustion. A severe allergic reaction flared up again, leaving my face swollen and red, my eyes resembling two peaches. I couldn’t work or function in daily life—aside from sleeping, I could do almost nothing. Three days later, I developed a urinary tract infection. To make things worse, it coincided with my menstrual period, leaving me unable to seek proper medical care. I relied on drinking large amounts of water to detoxify. My fever persisted for a week, eventually leading to a hospital diagnosis of appendicitis and pyelonephritis. Although hospitalization was recommended, I chose conservative treatment at home, as my parents needed to care for me during the harsh winter and with the Lunar New Year approaching. Daily IV drips became part of my routine during this time! Yet, amidst this ordeal, an unexpected gift emerged. Through illness, I reconnected with my parents. Living with them like a child again, I felt their unconditional love—every word they spoke warmed my heart. In the past, such circumstances would have annoyed me. I would’ve dismissed their care as insincere and unnecessary. But now, the same parents and the same love felt entirely different. Genuine emotions began to flow, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I repeatedly reflected on whether I was truly allowing myself to be in the child’s role. During the holiday, I helped my parents replace their front door and kitchen sink. Instead of imposing my perspective as a professional designer, I listened to their preferences and needs. Even when the tasks seemed trivial to me, I attentively observed their interactions with the installation workers. Respecting their way of living, I found that they, in turn, began seeking my advice. Life had started to change. Everything felt harmonious, happening naturally and effortlessly. Warmth filled our home. Through my illness, I realized I had been holding onto unresolved issues and harboring resistance on a subconscious level. My unwillingness to face the past, my pride, and my inability to let go of old emotions had manifested in allergies, urinary issues, digestive problems, and constipation. I also recognized that the trigger for my condition was a phone call I received after leaving Beijing—a call that forced me to revisit events from three years ago. Anger, grievance, and a sense of injustice surfaced, along with an inability to clarify matters with the other party. This unresolved frustration, combined with my disdain for money and nearly one million yuan of unpaid debts, weighed heavily on me.

It was time to face these issues, to reconcile and let go. These consequences stemmed from my arrogance. Every outcome is a creation of one’s own actions and thoughts. What I experienced today was shaped by my thoughts from three years ago. Seeing and understanding this clearly was a painful yet enlightening realization. When I began addressing both my illness and thoughts head-on, my recovery accelerated, and I happily celebrated the Lunar New Year. This was my gift—thank you for everything that happened. During the New Year, I bought my mother new clothes, and her happiness was immeasurable. I listened carefully to my father and embraced my role as the good child. As a family, we knelt and bowed to our parents in gratitude. The first bow honored their nurturing love, the second their perseverance through hardships, and the third expressed remorse for my shortcomings. Tears streamed down my face as I realized, at the age of 40, I was only beginning to understand how to truly connect with my parents.

My parents, teary-eyed, gave me their New Year blessings: to grow with discipline, prioritize my health, work with joy, and start my own family soon. I am deeply grateful for their heartfelt advice. During the holiday, I spent three days alone with my mother. We organized my home, cooked together, and chatted. During this time, I also completed the spring cleaning assignment that Teacher Chou had given me. These three days of bonding with my mother were unimaginable for the past 20 years. Previously, we could barely spend 45 minutes together without conflict. Now, only love and laughter flowed between us. Thank you, my dearest mother. You are my one and only, the best mother in the world. I love you. Learning without action is the same as not learning. Knowing without application of the knowledge is also the same as not learning. True change begins with a shift in mindset. A correct way of thinking is the foundation, and through trust, surrender, and perseverance, it can be put into practice. I am grateful for everything life has given me—it has already provided more than enough. All change comes from a shift in mindset. The correct mindset is the core system, and with trust and surrender, we persistently practice. I am grateful for everything I have received; life has already blessed me with great abundance. My heartfelt thanks Teacher Chou, TAOS academy, the teaching assistants, and all my fellow learners. You have helped me return to the warmth of my home from 25 years ago. I am on a path of awakening, reclaiming my rightful place, and rebuilding my life through inner strength. In love and reconciliation, I continue to grow. Through love, I transcend.

4th Diamond Class (2015) Participant, Wu Ziyue